Adam’s Fortunate Lifestyle
“Jake, turn that racket off or I will come and smash that CD player to bits!” warned Susan.
Jake ignored Susan and left his CD player on and he turned it up. Five minutes passed and Jake still refused to turn the CD player off,
“Ooooooh, that’s it Jake I’m going to come up there and smash that to bits because you won’t turn it off!” blasted Susan from the bottom of the stairs.
Susan stormed up the stairs thumping her feet on each stair as she went up. “You had better be prepared to feel my wrath Jake coz I’m coming to get you!” she yelled.
“Oh shut up Susan I’m thinking!” replied Jake madly,
“THINKING!” blasted Susan, “How can you listen to trash like that played up extremely loud and still be able to think I mean it’s…..?”
Gawd, here we go again. She is on a rant, suppose I should turn it down so that she’ll shut up…. No actually I wont, I should stand my ground! She always makes me turn it down, what a moaner! She sounds like mum.
“Are you listening to me?” started Susan, “No, I bet your not, you’re probably ignoring me hoping I will go away. Well here is news for you, I’m not going away till you turn that off!”
“Well if you really want it turned off why don’t you go and do it. You made the effort to come all the way up here so you might as well do it on your way out!” Replied Jake frustrated.
Adam walked in rubbing his hands over his forehead. He walked over to the two bickering teenagers and stood in the middle of them,
“Can you two either work things out or leave each other alone. I’m younger than both of you and yet I always have to stop you fighting? Please shut up and leave each other alone coz I have such a sore head.” Asked Adam as kindly as he could.
“Look, I’m going to bed now because it’s my school trip tomorrow and I need rest so goodnight.” Pronounced Adam as he walked out the door.
Adam continued down the hall before he stopped, he was listening to see if they were still fighting, surprisingly enough they were. Adam turned the handle to his room door and went in. He deliberately slammed it shut to see if it would shut them up. He put his ear to the door to try and hear them, they had stopped, At last!
As the night got deeper and deeper Adam tossed and turned in bed. He kept having very creepy and unusual dreams about the trip, he was quite nervous about the school trip as they were going too see a very poor town affected by poverty. He was not sure how it would go. They were studying this as part of their topic.
The sun eventually began to rise from above the trees at about 7am, it flooded through the window filling the room with light. Adam sprung out of bed in delight.
“Phew, glad its morning. I had terrible dreams last night.” Said Adam feeling very relieved.
He quickly got changed and then had breakfast. After breakfast Adam packet his bag for school and grabbed his jacket,
“Bye mum, im going to miss the bus for the trip!” he shouted up the stairs.
Adam ran out hoping he would not miss the bus as it left at 8am because of the trip. He managed to catch the bus just in time before it left.
After a couple of hours the bus and the staff and pupils arrived at their destination. Everyone pushed and rammed their way off the bus and then they all froze when they seen the town. The town was in need of serious food, nobody had any food or water and a lot of people were homeless. They went around the village carefully looking at every detail of this horrible place. It was just like Adams dreams, it made him feel really sad for these people and he wanted to help them.
After they returned home Adam ran straight in the house and told their mum about his day.
“Well if it really helps Adam we will do some charity work and raise money for their community.”
A couple of weeks later Adam and the village had raised a lot of money for the poor community! The cheque was presented to the community and it really helped them. They could build houses, get food. It made Adam feel brilliant and made him realise that how much his brother and sister fight he is still much better off than other people in the world.
By Louise
Jake ignored Susan and left his CD player on and he turned it up. Five minutes passed and Jake still refused to turn the CD player off,
“Ooooooh, that’s it Jake I’m going to come up there and smash that to bits because you won’t turn it off!” blasted Susan from the bottom of the stairs.
Susan stormed up the stairs thumping her feet on each stair as she went up. “You had better be prepared to feel my wrath Jake coz I’m coming to get you!” she yelled.
“Oh shut up Susan I’m thinking!” replied Jake madly,
“THINKING!” blasted Susan, “How can you listen to trash like that played up extremely loud and still be able to think I mean it’s…..?”
Gawd, here we go again. She is on a rant, suppose I should turn it down so that she’ll shut up…. No actually I wont, I should stand my ground! She always makes me turn it down, what a moaner! She sounds like mum.
“Are you listening to me?” started Susan, “No, I bet your not, you’re probably ignoring me hoping I will go away. Well here is news for you, I’m not going away till you turn that off!”
“Well if you really want it turned off why don’t you go and do it. You made the effort to come all the way up here so you might as well do it on your way out!” Replied Jake frustrated.
Adam walked in rubbing his hands over his forehead. He walked over to the two bickering teenagers and stood in the middle of them,
“Can you two either work things out or leave each other alone. I’m younger than both of you and yet I always have to stop you fighting? Please shut up and leave each other alone coz I have such a sore head.” Asked Adam as kindly as he could.
“Look, I’m going to bed now because it’s my school trip tomorrow and I need rest so goodnight.” Pronounced Adam as he walked out the door.
Adam continued down the hall before he stopped, he was listening to see if they were still fighting, surprisingly enough they were. Adam turned the handle to his room door and went in. He deliberately slammed it shut to see if it would shut them up. He put his ear to the door to try and hear them, they had stopped, At last!
As the night got deeper and deeper Adam tossed and turned in bed. He kept having very creepy and unusual dreams about the trip, he was quite nervous about the school trip as they were going too see a very poor town affected by poverty. He was not sure how it would go. They were studying this as part of their topic.
The sun eventually began to rise from above the trees at about 7am, it flooded through the window filling the room with light. Adam sprung out of bed in delight.
“Phew, glad its morning. I had terrible dreams last night.” Said Adam feeling very relieved.
He quickly got changed and then had breakfast. After breakfast Adam packet his bag for school and grabbed his jacket,
“Bye mum, im going to miss the bus for the trip!” he shouted up the stairs.
Adam ran out hoping he would not miss the bus as it left at 8am because of the trip. He managed to catch the bus just in time before it left.
After a couple of hours the bus and the staff and pupils arrived at their destination. Everyone pushed and rammed their way off the bus and then they all froze when they seen the town. The town was in need of serious food, nobody had any food or water and a lot of people were homeless. They went around the village carefully looking at every detail of this horrible place. It was just like Adams dreams, it made him feel really sad for these people and he wanted to help them.
After they returned home Adam ran straight in the house and told their mum about his day.
“Well if it really helps Adam we will do some charity work and raise money for their community.”
A couple of weeks later Adam and the village had raised a lot of money for the poor community! The cheque was presented to the community and it really helped them. They could build houses, get food. It made Adam feel brilliant and made him realise that how much his brother and sister fight he is still much better off than other people in the world.
By Louise
2 comments:
Good mix of narrative and dialogue, Louise - well done!
Some great verbs! Take a look at where you have a verb after direct speech - you have the odd capital letter where you don't want them.
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